The Best Way To Thoroughly Screw Your Life!

When someone ask on Quora “How can I thoroughly screw up my life?”, Well, the one who asked this question also mentioned that It is inspiring to know the opposite, so we can avoid going that path and also asked Quora user to avoid common answers like; Waste time on social networks, Do an engineering course in India, Work hard to please others and not yourself etc.

After a while this question started to gets many positive answers from many Quora users, but we are going to share the most hilarious one here. The answer given by Ameya Godbole has some quality sarcasm and some really witty lines. Check your self.

Q . How can I thoroughly screw up my life?

Alright, let’s do this step by step-

  1. Quit your job or college or whatever that is you do, and take a long tour to the Middle East – Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Jordan, Egypt, Syria & Lebanon. You need those stamps on your passport.
  1. Come back home and use Google & YouTube extensively. Search for keywords like – bomb, how to make a bomb, IED, how to crash a plane, blah blah blah. Watch a lot of 9/11 and other conspiracy videos on YouTube. Throw in some extremist jehadi videos and content.

You are half way by now.

  1. Take some flying lessons. Try to push this statement while you are having a conversation with your instructor-

I don’t care about the landing. I just wanna learn how to get it in the air.’

  1. Bring up the topic of terrorism while you’re hanging out with your buddies. Tell them that those terrorist are actually freedom fighters. Defend those freedom fighters and abuse uncle Sam. Declare openly that you’re sick and tired of the whole thing, and that you’re going to do something about it.
  1. Start prepping. You need some hard dough for this. So take a kilogram of wheat flour and a kilogram of corn flour. Mix them using little water and form a brick like shape of the hard dough you’ll end up with. While it’s still drying, take some pieces of red, blue & green wires and shove the ends of those wires in the dough. Make it look like those wires are connected to some sort of circuit inside. Stick a small digital watch (minus the belt) on the front.
  1. Book an American Airlines flight from Boston to New York.
  1. Make a few calls. Talk to your parents, siblings, close friends, ex-wife (I assumed already), girlfriend/s, anyone. Tell them that you love them, and that you’re sorry for everything. Make them nervous.
  1. Wrap the dough-wire apparatus on your chest and wear a jacket above your shirt to hide the bulge. Take a cab to the airport.

Let’s be practical about this whole thing for a moment. You are not going to clear security with all those wires underneath your shirt. But your mission is not getting on the flight. Your mission is to fuck up your life.

  1. At the first security checkpoint, you wires will cause the metal detectors to beep. The guard will ask you to take off your jacket and all the metal objects you have on your body.
  1. Final step. Slowly take off the jacket. Start unbuttoning your shirt. Once you’re 2-3 buttons down, reveal the dough-wire assembly & yell to the top of your voice, “This is Sparta!” and kick the guard in his chest.

Mission Accomplished.

What will follow? Since you can’t blow up the dough, you’ll be surrounded and held at gunpoint by the baffled airport security. Boston police, FBI and media will arrive shortly. Your background will be pulled up and guess what they’ll find! You, my dear friend, fit into virtually every criteria uncle Sam has for identifying a terrorist. Too bad though, because within some time, they’ll realize it’s not a bomb. You are banged up.

Till the time their initial investigation is done with, you’ll be world famous for being the ‘most idiotic son of a bitch who royally fucked up his own life’. They’ll probably send you to a psychiatric hospital, and I don’t think the world will ever see you again. Not too bad, is it?! If you really do this and if uncle Sam’s agencies track down well, I think I’ll be arrested for masterminding & provocation.

Best of luck, to both of us. :)

This answer by  Ameya Godbole has been received more than 17000 upvotes on Quora till the time we are writing this. We are sure that he will get more upvotes for this super hilarious answer. Good Luck!

You can read more answers to this question here.

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